Gratitude in the Midst

So, it’s not something I ever thought I’d do, but I did it nonetheless.

Recently, I took some last straw blows, buckled in defeat and ducked out of the fight.

Emotional me shifted into self-protect mode and ran for quick refuge into the waiting arms of weariness.

And I hid there in that place, where in the moment, it felt safe.

Encouraging words rose up and surrounded me, but I did not want to hear.

And though it stings in the deep of me to type the words across the page… I did not want to hear Truth.

I wanted all hands off.

To be wounded.

To cry in the lap of weariness.

Alone.

Which meant an attempt at hiding from God too.

And we all know the questions asked like sweet promises in Psalm 139…

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

No where.

And what a beautiful, lovely, God-thing that is.

Because He just does not relent.

He does not give up on the pursuit of me.

My love for Him soars to the highest places for that life-giving, pit-lifting Truth.

I breathed David’s Psalm 139 fears…

Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,

But just as David knew, I also know…

even the darkness will not be dark to You;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to You.

And just ask David asked, I also ask…

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Heart-clensing questions for heart-searching me.

He is answering.

I am listening again.

And finding gratitude in the midst…

175. this home

176. husband who works so hard for us

177. husband who rises early and prays on His knees

178. break-through conversations

179. uncovering resentment and seeing hope

180. being so painfully introspective

181. new curtains

182. having the pumpkin patch to ourselves on a school day

183. great fall pictures

184. carving pumpkins with daddy

185. darling daughters first piano recital

186. celebrating 75 years with father-in-law

187. friends who pray

188. Kelli, who worries and waits and it makes me cry, but who loves me through my messes

189. accidents that could have been worse

190. not seeing the light, but knowing it’s ahead because You are Sovereign

191. embracing Your perspective

192. the way You rescue

193. the way You forgive

194. the way You love

195. how I Love You… because that is from You too

Counting with Ann at A Holy Experience and linking up with Lindsay for Messy Mondays and Shanda for On Your Heart Tuesday!

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20 Responses

10.24.11

I love this blog sis, it’s not always so easy to be grateful because we tend to take people and things for granted, not that we mean to but we are just so use to them doing things for us that we do. You my dear have allot of blessings and God sees them in your heart and action…Continuing being the apple of His eyes sis…God bless you and your home.

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10.24.11

This is great encouragement. He never gives up in His pursuit of me. Love that.

Great list. Love #181. Those little things can make everything seem fresh and new. I love it.
Jenifer recently posted..Autumn Beauty & Counting My BlessingsMy Profile

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10.24.11

So glad that you could find gratitude in the midst of it all.

joy & blessings,
Alida

I am counting with Ann too.
Alida recently posted..1000 gifts…My Profile

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10.24.11

Beautiful transparency. Thank you for being so bold. He is always there, isn’t he? Praise God. I’m counting with Ann too. #177 on your list is so encouraging.

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10.24.11

Gratitude in the Midst…love that. You are so right, Heidi. We try to run from His Spirit and yet he constantly pursues us and reminds us of our need.
Eileen recently posted..Share A Song MondayMy Profile

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10.24.11

Heidi, I appreciate your transparency in sharing your heart. What an amazing truth that God never gives up on us. He is always there, always pursing. Wonderful gratitude list today. Love you, Heidi! Many blessings, sweet friend!
Lisa recently posted..Still SearchingMy Profile

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Because He just does not relent.
He does not give up on the pursuit of me.

So glad for that, and it is really encouraging!!

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10.24.11

Love this post God bless

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10.24.11

Such an excellent post Heidi; isn’t it so awesome and incredible that He nevers gives up on us? He knows our hearts, but also our loneliness and fear. What a patient, understanding, and compassionate Lord we have! 🙂

Blessings and hugs,
Denise

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10.24.11

Oh Heidi! thank you so much for linking this to Messy Monday today! What a beautiful string of thoughts, that I feel so many can associate with! It’s easier said than done when we allow Him to search us and “know” us! He sees all those anxious thoughts and offensive ways, yet still deems us worthy to lead us in the way of everlasting! He won’t relent in his pursuit! Thank you for these heartfelt words!
Lindsay recently posted..You Can Find IT At the TableMy Profile

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10.24.11

I have been where you where and I too am so thankful that there is no where that I can hide from my Savior!!!
Steph recently posted..Pray with me Today?My Profile

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Love this – “He does not give up on me”. So thankful.
Shannon Milholland recently posted..Day 23 – Perseverance for Your SoulMy Profile

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10.24.11

Your post was lovely and so like me at times. I loved your list. Especially the one on the hubby praying on his knees.
Have a blessed day.
Tammy recently posted..His Blessings AboundMy Profile

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10.24.11

This reminds me of when Jesus asked the disciples if they wanted to still follow him after telling them that life on the road would be hard. They responded like you, “Yes we will follow, where else would we go?” Your encouragement to others by sharing your feelings is both bold and courageous!

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Oh my goodness, you share your heart so beautifully here, Heidi. I especially love, “He does not give up on the pursuit of me. My love for Him soars to the highest places for that life-giving, pit-lifting Truth.” I absolutely know how He reaches through all MY barriers and gets to the heart of me. I’m so glad He reached you, too, my friend 🙂 Gotta echo Kelli on this one – thank you for the courage to share in this way. Love you!
Debbie Dillon recently posted..Humble BeginningsMy Profile

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10.24.11

God has given you great wisdom Heidi. Thank you for sharing your struggles and your victories:)

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Such a passionate, heartfelt post Heidi… We all have those moments where we want nothing more than to crawl into our shells and hide, but God is ever-faithful in His pursuit of us and draws us back to Him nonetheless.

Thank you for this beautiful post, and a wonderful list.

Have a Blessed Day!
Phil D. Malmstrom recently posted..Eternal ProsperityMy Profile

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10.24.11

Hi Heidi – its so great that God does not ever give up on us. So grateful that despite us, He perseveres. Great post
God bless
Tracy
Tracy recently posted..The PastMy Profile

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10.24.11

Praying for you sweet lady! Love the list!

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10.24.11

I love this. For, I too, recently withdrew out of hurt. The last three days have been wonderful as God has healed and prepared me to go back into battle.

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