An Issue With Doubt

I can’t believe it has been over three months since I last heard from my friend Bobbie. I can’t believe it has been six months since I cupped the faces of her children and told them Jesus loves them.

I remember the last time we met.

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Her bright blue eyes full of uncertainty and hope and longing. We slurp hot chocolate fluffed with extra whip cream. We laugh and wipe away sugary mustaches suspended beneath our noses.  We talk about Jesus and family and the future over IHop’s big slam breakfast. This is the last time I see her. The last time I get to minister to her. Not wanting to waste opportunities to love her like Christ, I call, I text. After much persistence she responds via text message, “Things aren’t going well, please pray.”

The children’s foster care worker doesn’t say much either. “He lost his job and they aren’t doing well,” she says hesitantly. My heart skips because I know. They may not get their kids back…ever.Maybe this is God’s plan, His journey for them… only our paths don’t cross anymore.Sometimes I remind myself to breathe deep. This journey of sharing the Gospel, entering life with people is messy and sometimes discouraging. Truth be told, in the late night hours alone with the Father, I sob until the words won’t come, “Why can’t they make it? Why can’t they experience you making the impossible, possible? Why can’t they know that to touch your robe is to live?”

And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly the woman was made well (Matthew 9:20-22).

I see this woman so clearly. I resonate deeply with…

her desperation;

her last-resort-disposition;

her raw emotion.

I see her weak yet persistent fingers strain for a graze against the fringe of his robe. I see her longing only for Him; a longing satisfied by His touch, his eyes locking with hers.

I am the woman with the issue of blood. Only I am the woman with the issue of doubt. I am the woman with the issue of sin, the issue of flesh, the issue of self-indulgence. I am a woman who wants to snap her arms shut across her chest like a rubber band to protect rawness in her heart.

The woman with the issue of blood reminds me…

The reach is worth the risk.

The strain against vulnerability for an encounter with my Savor is worth exposure.

The lunge across a crowded street for healing is meant for all people with all kinds of issues. But I notice something obvious. I can’t fold my arms and reach for my Savior all at once. Like the woman with the issue of blood I must throw normalcy to the wind, fling out expectant arms and reach, reach like crazy… for the One who says, “I am the true vine,” “I am the door,” “I am the bread of life,” I am the good shepherd.”And just like this woman I must seek Him; pursue Him; long for Him… if only to “touch the fringe of his garment.”

If you find yourself straining for Him across a crowded street, over a difficult situation, against a wall of doubt… just know my sweet sister that His robe is long and his hem is wide…wide enough for you and for me.

 

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2 Responses

07.25.13

Beautiful. Post. I absolutely love and totally relate to this this thought…

“Like the woman with the issue of blood I must throw normalcy to the wind, fling out expectant arms and reach, reach like crazy… for the One who says, “I am the true vine,” “I am the door,” “I am the bread of life,” I am the good shepherd.”And just like this woman I must seek Him; pursue Him; long for Him… if only to “touch the fringe of his garment.”

And, you are so completely right… “the reach is worth the risk.” Thanks for reminding me and encouraging me to to reach out instead of in. Love you!

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07.25.13

“I can’t fold my arms and reach for my Savior all at once.”

Beautifully profound sharing…my heart has been touched more than you know…
Karen recently posted..The Seeker of ShardsMy Profile

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