Spinning

Remember spinning?

I certainly do.

Twirling around and around until you fall to the ground in a dizzy haze.

I love doing this as a little girl. I see my littlest darling do it all the time.

I don’t have the stomach to do it anymore. Or the energy.

But, as a not so little girl, I have a different kind of spinning that I fall into from time to time.

It’s less physical and more emotional.

It’s when I let go of what I know is true to take a spin into what scares me.

I lose grasp of my once so strong Faith and trip right into an old pair of spinning shoes…

and my flesh takes me for a ride.

Spinning…

I wonder why I have so many trust issues.

I question why a girl like me with a God like You lacks trust.

Why I ever fear.

Then I fall, dizzied, to the ground and…

Death comes to mind.

This life I think I love… this idea of what I think is right and good and fair.

The word injustice pushing its way in and about my thoughts… as if I deserve something more.

And then death flashes again.

Death of self.

All the ideas I have for us… the way I think it should all go… I need to experience the sweet release of these “things.”

As long as I hold onto them… fear tags along. And my flesh will continue to spin and spin and spin.

And I’ll continue to get caught up in the spin… and my Faith will continue to get lost in the dizzy-ness of it all.

It’s a lesson that will keep replaying until the dying is done.

Until I spin out so far that all that holds me up IS Faith.

Faith in Him.

And nothing else.

Then, just like when I was little… I fall, dizzied, to the ground… but unafraid. Free to let go of what I think and free to live in peace with what-ever He has for me.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by FAITH in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

Galatians 2:20

Father, I want to live out the life you planned for me… forgive me for spinning out over me and losing sight of You. Thank you for these lessons that bring me closer to the heart of You. Keep teaching me. Pursuing me. Loving me. Make me fully Yours. 

*Linking up with Laura at Beholding Glory for…

Beholding Glory

 

 

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6 Responses

09.21.12

I spin too sometimes. Isn’t it funny that there is no difference between the times we think we are in control and the times we don’t? It all matters on our perspective. Really we are never in control, God is always at work. It is just so hardto claim that sometimes. Loved this post!

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09.21.12

Jessica,

So true Jessica, we think we’re in control, but we’re SO not! And I’m, truly, SO glad!
Heidi recently posted..SpinningMy Profile

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09.21.12

Oh, Heidi, I am familiar with that spinning. Love how you said this, “Until I spin out so far that all that holds me up IS Faith.” So true. Total dependence on Him
Eileen recently posted..Breathing in SpaciousnessMy Profile

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09.21.12

I love this comparison! And I do it a lot! A great post on faith, trust, and following God. Blessings!

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09.21.12

Loved this post! I think “spinning” is one of our fleshly burdens that we learn to control, more and more, as our faith grows…as we become less of “us” and more of “HIM.” Blessings!
cynthia recently posted..Book Review: Perfect Lies by Jennifer CrowMy Profile

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09.21.12

Love how you put this, Heidi! Beautiful.
Jenifer recently posted..Water Baptism & Fall CandlesMy Profile

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